I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
