She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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