i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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