At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
