i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize