When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
