i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
