i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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