i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just pee around me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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