we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
