last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
