either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
