She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
