Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
