It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
