that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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