You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
