I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
