i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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