You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
