Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
