first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
