i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
