bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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