I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its not stalking. its research.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
