he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
