I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
