There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
