You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
