If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
