I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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