so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
