my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
is it fun? or sober?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
