Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
