After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
