How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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