When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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