so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
