Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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