Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
