can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
