Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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