I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
