ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
