For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
