We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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