Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize