It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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