I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize