I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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