you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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