I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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