we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
