so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
