My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
