Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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