halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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