Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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