someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
