k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
