i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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