Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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