I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
