I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
