No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
