careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
