margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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