Your mouth is God's brothel.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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