You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My penis needs a shock collar
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
