YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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