escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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