ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
