I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
