I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
