So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i think im in europe. pls send help
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
